[L, diary, ephēmeris] 1) BLOG

This post was begun in September of 2017 and abandoned, censored by an internal critic as too...critical:

"...while reading a FASO essay about committing to a life as an artist, I had an epiphany that segued with an earlier realization of no longer wanting to live my life as a 'Cruising' sailor, again. 

Elsewhere are the chronicled  puzzle pieces of life lived as a Cruiser, and how, after sixteen years of building and living aboard our boat, followed by eight years of sailing South and West through the Pacific, Bill and I came into a fulfilling combination of nine (the two of us) and eight (widowed) years of living at anchor in the Philippine Islands, Port Bonbonon, Tambobo, at the very bottom tip of Negros Oriental. 

It was in that latter time of making solo decisions when thoughts of no longer wanting to 'cruise' the world began to surface.  It no longer seemed as adventurous, meaningful way to live. Though I still felt fully committed to the community of people living lives aboard boats, it was the life of visiting foreign cultures as a tourist, sailing from anchorage to anchorage, skimming the surface of the lives and lands, that began to feel like a thin diet of hors d'oeuvres. Since arriving in the Philippines and the serendipitous creation of One Candle Schoolhouse, I  had, for the first time in my life, become an active participant of a stationary community.  However, very much like someone not able to fully commit to marriage, I've been on a tourist visa for seventeen years even though I had become more Resident than Tourist. Why?  As with the presence of children tipping the scales more than the sanctity of marriage to a Wanderer, I had been accepted into the lives of the families living on shore.  Through the students, and somewhat painful self-examinations, I'd begun to discern unexpectedly rich nuances of  a life lived fully within a different culture.  

Arguably, there were many other places to happily live out my life, but was there really any place BETTER?  Even if still on a tourist visa, not a committed resident, THIS place and I had evolved past the 'honeymoon' stage.  We have a history together.  We've become entwined, warts and all..."

This is where I will stop quoting from the aforementioned 'post-that-might-have-been'. What remains of it will be reborn within the next couple of posts. A legible transcript of the photograph above has been posted, which reiterates this post while providing transition into the plethora of other bottled-up 'wanna-be/NEED-to-be' posts not made during the past three months.  Bear with me.  Wonderful things have been happening. Lots of photos.