[L, diary, ephēmeris] 1) BLOG

Several months ago, realizing I was entitled to have a FASO website even though I wasn't creating a body of work that could be exhibited in galleries or sold to augment income, I made drafts of topics for posts that would successively illuminate the process of that decision.  Such organization filled me with the lightheaded expectation of rapidly (joyfully! easily!) completing each post.

The reality has been greatly dismaying.  Like too many seedlings in a starter pot, my collage of examples collected to illustrate a topic were confusingly interrelated; the trivial tangled tenaciously with the vigorous.  Creating a clean, clear vista of written thought for this post has been akin to that myth about mucking out the God’s stables.

I am not sure how well I can do it, disentangle, but take heart from a loosely recalled quote by Carol Bly, who observed that the most difficult but highly rewarding writings began with three unconnected events.  I have two comments (separated by twenty years) plus an insight (even longer-delayed) that is now my response to what is art:

• In 1975, when I met Bill and we began building PILAR, our/my floating home for the past 31 years, my sister Donalie had asked me, “How can you give up you Art? Don’t you want to be famous?” 
• In 2006, Sue James, during an introductory exchange of emails exploring the possibility of volunteering at One Candle Schoolhouse, she wrote, “…it sounds like your own artistic expression has been crushed by the projects you’ve taken on…” 

To my sister, at the time, I had no reply; to Sue, shaken by the word crushed, I gave a lot of agonizing thought.  CRUSHED??  Yes, certainly I’d been neglecting my drawing, photography, sculpting, writing, bookbinding, and boat, temporarily putting them on hold, but crushed? So lost as to be nonexistent? Unrecoverable?

To Sue I wrote back:  "…remember my telling you I'd discovered that the work I do here is akin to a Work in Progress?  A couple of years ago I'd realized how similar my work was to a Curator's--guiding and supporting the best creativity in others--but your word CRUSHED finally got me to connect several vague ideas I'd felt but not really examined.  The first, Yes, is that I need to begin actively focusing on what medium I want to pursue, but more as an example for the kids than because I desire my work in a gallery.  These kids are all wonderfully talented but their culture has taught them to copy everything, as well as not draw too much attention to yourself by being original or successful. They have almost no real contact with anything to do with art--the ideas behind creating; art as a means of communicating, influencing people; making life better. 
       In conjunction with these thoughts, one of my special students began showing signs of internalizing that art was her 'talent'.  A shy, reclusive girl who always seemed to feel she was stupid because she had trouble with language arts, she finally GOT IT that you don't need words to excel at being an Artist.  She suddenly has a focus and is no longer dismissing  her drawings.  It's for her that I suddenly realized  that I--ME!--need to provide the example and the protective wing for her--and the others--to gain confidence in their ability to step outside the limited roles of their community.  Fisherman.  Laundress.  Manual laborer. 
      However, for the same reasons I never pursued the traditional path of producing art for galleries, I still don't want that to be the goal.  No.  I've realized that I've always been a communal minded person...did I use the word 'parallel player' in my first email?  I don't enjoy competition although I do very much like the stimulation that working alongside others gives.
      Your interest in seeing the Laos people regain their heritage sounds very similar to my ideas of the direction I'm working towards (I now realize), regarding the purpose of this school.  I'm not sure what the eventual shape will be, but we--myself in conjunction with the kids, are going to begin producing works that can be sold, can provide income for me and them, and it will be a cooperatively creative exercise.
      This probably doesn't sound like such a new idea to you--lots of folks have started cooperatives--but the art I'm talking about creating is going to be an extension of what I'm already trying to teach the kids:  it's about all of us working together to bring out the best in each other. It's about seeing how long we can create and sustain a stimulating dialog with ourselves and each other, open to all.  An 'Infinite Game'..."

...and to my sister Donalie, and others, I can now say, "There is nothing that is not a work of art when done with mind- and heart fullness; but especially a boat built for living a Simple Life."

“The joyfulness of infinite play, it’s laughter, lies in learning to start something we cannot finish.”    James P. Carse, FINITE AND INFINITE GAMES